Money Obedience

New Year’s Eve is my favorite day. It’s not because I’m big into resolutions – eventually, I break ‘em all anyway. (Same with vilkri-he.) Still, I love the day because it’s a symbol of renewal for me. I can say goodbye to the past, which means looking back at all the blessings I enjoyed and the triumphs I overcame, and I can look forward to the future, which means being hopeful about enduring and even overcoming whatever challenges come my way and optimistic about facing new joys to come.

What does this have to do with personal finance? I will get to it – and before I’m done, I’ll explain why I’m breaking one of Suze Orman’s cardinal rules, and I’m happy to do it. Indulge me while I relate a very personal story.

My husband and I, when we married, were at very unequal levels of income – his was far greater than mine. We bandied about with what we’d do about money when we got married. Ultimately settled on Suze’s rule that couples should keep their accounts and incomes separate and pay bills according to each one’s contribution to the household income. That is, if you make 50% of the income you pay 50% of the bills, but if you bring in 20% of the income you pay 20%. We tried that for a while. But two things changed that.

Just last week, my doctor detected a problem with my thyroid that cannot be uncovered with the normal thyroid tests, so I’m on my way to seeing a specialist. Maybe I’m on my way to getting it fixed! But you should know that some symptoms of this hypothyroid condition are memory loss and depression. I digress, but I say all this to tell you that long ago I balanced my checkbook daily (!) with pencil and paper (!) and knew where every single penny of my money went. But later in life, as I struggled with health issues, I didn’t have the stamina or memory for it. vilkri-he took over opening my mail pretty early in the marriage. It made me pretty uncomfortable at first, and I still feel quite guilty about it, but it got the bills paid on time. He does all the bill paying for us now.

The other thing is that changed is that vilkri-he lost his job in November ‘08. So now, I’m the sole breadwinner. I already wrote about this kind of freaking me out, but life is what it is. Thankfully, I got a new job and my income isn’t as low as it was when we first got together. But we long ago decided to merge our accounts. So we are no longer following Suze’s rule. Hey, there’s not enough cash flowing through our household to make a bunch of accounts worthwhile, anyway!

I tell you all this to the New Year to say that we’re beginning our 2009 in what seems to me to be an extraordinarily happy place. Ironic, no? We have one income in the house, and I still don’t open the mail. But I have a husband who did these things even when we were both fully employed – he took his “leisure” time to take over the home finances when I was not in a position to do it. And now, I can make a big contribution to the household when I didn’t think five years ago that would’ve been possible. What might seem to others to be the hardest of times, at least financially, is one of the happiest times to me.

I say this to you to tell you that if you are going to resolve something for the coming year, can I make a suggestion? I would ask you to resolve to ask for or accept help if you need it. I spent most of my life trying to succeed, be SuperWoman, or whatever you want to call it. And it took me many years to realize that I sometimes need help. And I’m so grateful to have it (and in the form of a very supportive husband). Indeed, if I have a resolution this year, it is to lessen my stress even more, if I can do it.

So, if you can use a little help this year, take it. Consolidate your bills, ask your family to accept your cutting back on gift giving to ease your debt burden, seek out debt counseling, or call your lenders to negotiate for better terms. Of course, you can always subscribe to vilkri to get some help there including a free budget planner. Hubby and I will even get help ourselves with vilkri.com! We’ve decided to make the site snazzier. Look for changes in the coming year, which I trust will be a spectacular one for all of us, even with such a bad economy looming. Happy New Year everyone!