Money Obedience

Losing sleep over how you can lower debt? Pacing the floor because you’re expecting bills that might be difficult to pay? Not sure how to manage money to make ends meet with your household expenses being what they are? Did you set up a budget but are having trouble sticking to it, or too afraid to see if your household expenses are even in the ballpark? I’m not yet bald-headed from pulling my hair out, but yes, I’m feeling the stress too.

Okay, I am the breadwinner now. I get it. I get how the breadwinner gets really worried about how to make ends meet. How stress increases because you know that all the household expenses depend on you. Maybe it’s the case that the partner with the lesser income usually compensates by taking over a greater portion of the chores or childcare, but that doesn’t necessarily directly lead to the breadwinner getting more leisure. It often frees up the breadwinner for overtime! The idea behind that tradeoff is that if you invest more in the good job, the company invests more in you with raises or promotions, or saving you when the axe has to fall. (I’m sorry to say that many of us have found out that idea doesn’t always hold water.)

Still, my partner is doing all he can around the house while he’s jobless. (If he’s trying to make me feel guilty, it’s working!) So, how can I help contribute to our household financial management, even if I’m already working hard outside of the home, and therefore doing proportionately less around the house? Here are some of my ways. One, no more coffee shop visits. When I take a break from work, I make my own tea with heated water cooler water and half and half I keep in the office refrigerator. No more specialty lunches – not that I was doing much of that anyway. But now I far more often rely on the office cafeteria, which serves good-enough food fairly cheaply, instead of looking for delicious food out of the building and at a slight premium. I’ve given up my gym membership. So far, my clothes aren’t more tight fitting, but I make up for that by walking more. In a way, I need to – cutting out walking to get coffee or lunch leaves me with so much less outdoor time, so I feel I need to walk to get some air. On Fridays, the days when I try to stay home writing my next book, I bake goods to eat for breakfast or dessert over the next week. And when I internet-browse these days, I include “shopping trips” for discount kids’ clothing or accessories. (Gotta keep replacing gloves and hats for growing bodies, or simply because these items are easily lost.)

Does my partner notice my efforts? I think so, but I can’t be sure. It’s a problem of our general time of economic crisis, but that’s always been a problem for marriages in general. I’ve read that the number one thing couples fight about is money. (We’re lucky – we mostly argue about mess in the house, and even that’s rare. The mess is almost always my fault, so what’s to argue about?) I imagine if you have a household where talking about money means a fight is about to start, maybe you avoid the subject. Times of crisis, when ends don’t exactly meet, probably make matters worse – maybe you avoid the topic even more! But I suggest you try discussing household money management with your partner. It’s like going to the dentist – it’s just gotta be done every now and then if you want a rosy picture to be yours. Maybe mention what’s burning you about money burning a hole in your collective pocket. Maybe ask a question about how you jointly can stretch a dollar a little farther. Or maybe just start with a “thanks, baby” if you notice how your loved one is doing their best to make the budget work and lower debt or household expenses.